Dealing with Imposter Syndrome

As a woman in a male-dominated field, I always thought I had let comments like “you are only here because of your gender” roll off my back and not impact me. But I realized a few years ago that these statements had created a chronic confidence challenge.  

The first time I remember such a comment was in sixth-grade math. I was the only girl in my math class, and I remember the other students telling me that I didn’t belong and should “go be with the other girls.” I worked hard to prove that I did belong and ended up tutoring other students.

Even when I went to the University of Virginia from out of state for my undergraduate degree, people mentioned that I probably got in because I was a woman who applied to the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. This made me question what role my gender played and whether I had been accepted based on my merit.

These early experiences were my introduction to experiencing ‘imposter syndrome’.

Wikipedia defines imposter syndrome as “a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve all they have achieved.”

Most of the time, I have great confidence in my abilities, knowing that I can work hard, read a room, apply my skills and interests, and make decisions with courage and willingness. At other times, I feel the opposite, where I have lost my confidence. What happens during those times that I lose my confidence? A small voice creeps in, saying that I shouldn’t be here or don’t deserve to be wherever I am. I believe that is the exact definition of imposter syndrome.

I believe most people deal with imposter syndrome at some point in his or her career. How do you respond when you have these feelings?

Personally, I approach these moments by applying self-compassion techniques, acknowledging that the comments were hard to hear and hurt me.  I remind myself of the times I have made a positive impact on a person, achieved a significant milestone, and set new records. I also rely on a trusted set of colleagues to support me when I lose my confidence, and they help remind me of my positive accomplishments and achievements. 

As Open Leaders, we have an opportunity to help support members of our teams who are experiencing an episode of imposter syndrome by practicing the CEC Method - exhibiting curiosity to learn why the person is feeling as they are, showing genuine empathy to fuel compassion, and making an authentic connection to inspire courage.

One of my favorite examples was when I was relatively new at a former employer. I had been working there for just under a year when I was given a large and high-profile project. I was navigating through the project, which required collaborating with many different people, some of whom had far more experience. Feeling a bit daunted, I asked to meet with my leader. I distinctly remember going into the lunchroom, where I asked him why he chose me to lead the project, as I didn’t feel qualified and was questioning my capabilities. He said he fully believed in me and explained the reasons. What I really appreciated about his response was that my lack of confidence did not impact his trust in me in any way. He listened to my concerns and expressed empathy, allowing us to connect and talk through the situation.

I have had subsequent leaders who did not recognize imposter syndrome when it struck and interpreted my lack of confidence in that situation as proof that I wasn’t the right person for the project.

As we embrace the concept of Open Leadership, let’s show up for those we lead by supporting them and encouraging them so they can demonstrate their capabilities. Let’s actively practice the CEC Method so our teams feel seen, heard, and valued even when they aren’t at their most confident. After all, we have all been there once or twice in our own personal journey.

When someone I lead approaches me with more capabilities than confidence, I remind them that I fully believe in him or her as a person. I ask them to tell me about other times when they have applied these capabilities and how this current situation could be similar.  My goal is to offer support and help them reclaim their confidence by finding power from within. 

Listen to the podcast episode on Dealing with Imposter Syndrome:

Listen to Podcast Episode